It is a sad fact of life that the more you start to rise up as the AWESOME person you are and begin to build on your success, the more people who want to pull you back down to their level.
As you begin to live the dream and reach your full potential, haters will come out of the woodwork. Now they don’t hate you even if it may feel like that. What’s actually happening is that they feel bad about where they are in their life. As they watch you achieve your goals, they begin to look at their own lives and see that it is not the way they want it to be. This is when they realize that it is much easier to pull you down to their level rather than look at themselves and do something about where they are.
The really sad thing is that these haters will often be people who you know and trust. People who you thought were your friends, family members who you believed would love to see you fly or even your spouse who vowed to be there for you for better or worse. Don’t get me wrong, you will have strangers project these feelings on to you too but it will not hurt as much as the people you know.
How do you deal with the haters?
With understanding. Understanding of yourself and understanding of the person who is trying to pull you down.
You start with understanding yourself.
Ask yourself, “Why is what they are saying bothering me?”
If you are truly comfortable in your own abilities, what other people say shouldn’t bother you because you know that it is not true. However, sometimes it can be that one little thing that they say that just touches a nerve. Why? Because it is an insecurity that maybe you didn’t even know you had. It is like shining a blinding light on a flaw you are trying to hide so when someone points it out to you, you take it to heart. This is when you look for ways to overcome your insecurities and boost your self-esteem so when these situations occur, you can deal with them quickly and move forward.
Next, you start with understanding for the person who is hating on you.
Ask yourself “Why are they saying these things to me? What is that a reflection of in their life?”
For example, what if someone is telling you that your ego is getting too big and you don’t deserve to charge your prices?
It can simply mean that they can’t even imagine that what you are doing is possible. If you’re feeling confident in what you do then chances are the problem is theirs. Instead of judging them, think of a time when you might have felt this way. A time when you might have given someone feedback that you thought was helpful but it hurt their feelings.
Now think of why you did that. Was it to hurt that person intentionally? Chances are it wasn’t, so with that understanding of how you were feeling, give the same understanding to the person who is doing it to you.
It takes some practice, but when you have a true understanding of why people are doing and feeling a certain way and you can remember a time where you have made someone else feel the same way, you can basically mute the feelings. You are neutral about the situation and you can simply shake it off and move on.
“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
Exercise: Understanding The Haters
Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page from top to bottom.
On the left-hand side write down all the things that people have said to you that have hurt your feelings and affected your confidence.
On the right-hand side write down why these things bother you and what you can do to change these feelings.
Then get a new piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page from top to bottom.
On the left-hand side write down all the negative things that people have said about you that you know are not true.
On the right-hand side write down why you think they said these things. What issues could they be projecting onto you?
Now think of a time when you may have made someone feel like this and think of the reason you did this. Do you now have an understanding for the people who are causing you pain?
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Learn more in “The Super Confidence Factor” book!